So let me just start by saying that the past three months has been the most amazing, incredibly experience of my life. Abigail is the most amazing thing I have ever seen and sometimes when I look at her and hold her in my arms I get teary eyed knowing what a miracle she is. She makes me laugh (especially when she gets that goofy smile on her face) and she constantly amazes me with her rapd growth and incredibly "mightiness." (Her doc. called her mighty at her last visit, saying she was incredibly strong for her age, I have actuall called her mighty mouse from day 1.) I cannot believe she's almost three months old, she has grown sooo fast! And these past three months have been just a crazy/awesome journey.
In the essence of full disclosure though, motherhood is terrifying. You are suddenly responsible for somethign so precious that you start to second guess everything you do, from the food you eat (if your breastfeeding which I am) to how fast you drive (which I do). Your life does a comlete 180, you are no longer just you, you are you and baby. running errands takes on a whole new complicatedness (word?) Stroller, baby bag, carseat, diapers, wipes, pacifiers, burpclothes, tiny socks, and blanket. You have to make sure you have it all before even leaving the house. It's crazy, amazing and exhausting. Time flies at a ridiculous rate. For the first couple weeks your kind of in a vaccuum, you are in your own little world of babiness adn nothing else matters. Not to mention that you are so exhausted from only sleeping for two hours at a time that you could really care less what is happening in the outside world. For me, thinking back, the first six weeks are kind of a blur, which sucks a little because I want to make the most out of my time at home with Abigail but I spent a good portion of hte first six weeks not able to do much because I was recovering from major abdominal surgery (thank you C section). Once I started to feel better, Abigail and I got out and started going places. We walked everyday wiht the dog and tried to do a few things every week. Around week 8 I was feeling great and really starting to get used to this mommy thing. Abigail started sleeping longer and things started to feel normal again. Then Abigail got thrush in her mouth, which is common in babies but a huge pain in the ass considering she also gave it to me. So we dealt with that for a couple weeks, got rid of it and got back on the road to normalcy. Then around week 10 Abigail started have trouble going to sleep at night. We tried putting her in her crib in her own room and starting some sort of routine at night, bath, eating, bedtime. She did great the first night, then after that she refused to go to bed. She is just not quite old enough to self soothe and has a hard time making her transitions from sleep cycles. This led to a tired and frustrated set of parents. So she came back in our room and back to her bassinet, where she is comfortable. We've concluded to try again in a few weeks after she gets better at self soothing and is a better sleeper. After all she's just a baby and she just wasn't ready yet. She seems to be doing better with sleeping now and knowing when it's bedtime. We'll see...
So here we are, my last week at home with her before going back to work. I'm sad anxious, nervous, and depressed all at once. THankfully Joe's mom will be coming to watch her next week then Joe is taking the week of Thanksgiving off so she won't be going to daycare until teh week after Thanksgiving. this makes going back to work a bit easier, we can ease into all the new changes. I know it's going to be incredibly difficult adn I am going to be an emotional basket case for the next few weeks so I'm just trying not to think about it. I just can't believe that my twelve weeks are up, where did they go? I look at this tiny thing taking a nap right now and can't believe that I'm not going to get to hang out with her all the time. It makes me sad. I know she is going to be fine because she is a baby and doesn't know any better but I am honestly going to miss hanging out with her and watch her reach her milestones every week. I guess it will make coming home from work all the more exciting though. Work is a must, I would love to stay home with her but that's just not an option right now. I want to be a good role model for Abigail and show her that you can be a mommy and have a career too. I have worked very hard to get where I am, went to school for a long time, and spent thousands upon thousand of dollars to get the best education to lead me to my current position. I want to work even harder to be the best in my field and I enjoy what I do. I want Abigail to know that you can have it all, family and career. So back to work I go. Sigh....
So on top of preparing to go back to work, I went to the doctor and found out I have Shingles!!!! yay! I got a rash on my leg last Friday which progressed to a bigger rash so I figured I'd get it looked at and the doc said shingles, awesome! Basically the chicken pox virus lays dormant in your body after you get it as a child and can come back when your an adult if you get sick or are under a lot of stress....well hello...stress is a constant in my life right now. I have to be extremely careful to keep it covered so that Abigail does not come into contact with it or she could get Chicken Pox. It shoudl be gone by next week but it's just another thing to worry about in my last week with her. It was something I really didnt need.
So that's where we are now. The next transition is going to be a big one, figuring out how to be working parents and getting used to daycare. We'll see how it goes, I'll keep you posted...
ps-no time to spell check, sorry.
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